Joaquin's List for the School Year

Several times during the day, Joaquin asked me to sit down and write out a list that he wanted to dictate to me. Each time he asked, we were in the middle of something else, so it wasn't until the very end of the day that I had a moment to grab paper and pen and take dictation. The following is what he wanted written down:

Joaquin's List for the School Year
1. getting healthy
2. listening to what my teacher says to do ("Joaquin," I asked him after writing this down. "Who is your teacher?" "You, Mama!" he says. Goody. I now have in writing that listening to me is something he intends to do.)
3. always eating my food
4. loving my mommy (awwwww)
5. kissing my mommy and hugging her (awwww, again)
6. never give up- perseverance
7. control my mind and my body- self control (ok, in the interest of full disclosure, the previous two are part of the "five foundations of taekwando", so it's not like he pulled that out of the ether on his own)
8. always being happy (awww, for a third time. I swear I am not making this up. You'll see, keep reading.)
---and suddenly, the list takes a sinister turn----
9. don't cut my mama, because she loves me (uh....what?)
10. and don't cut off her head (what the hell...? cut off my head?! seriously folks, what?!)
11. don't staple her fingers together
12. don't glue her
13. never draw on her
and
14. don't cover her with paper until she does not want to see

So there you have it, the 14 goals Joaquin has set for himself this school year. If you don't hear from me for a long time, assume that the boy failed to master item no. 10, and please call the cops.