I know that hair stylists get a lot of "wish commands" from their female clients. "Make me look like Angelena Jolie" or "I want a sort of Gwenyth Paltrow thing" coming from the woman with the fire red, wiry hair. You know.
But I never quite pegged men for the same thing. I assumed they were either so innately comfortable with their appearance that they were fine with whatever happened in the barber chair, or they were so stubbornly fixated on the haircut they perfected in 1982 that there was no reason to experiment.
So when the clippers were hauled out from under the sink today, and Ken told me that if I didn't deal with his hair immediately, he was going to leave me for someone who kept hair-dissolving vats of acid always on hand, I opened Salon Donaldson for business. Fine. All four boys needed their Christmas haircut, anyway.
But then I started to get the weirdo "wish commands". From boys AND the man.
Ken's was easiest: "Make me not look like the wolfman." Ok, I can certainly do that. And with Diesel around, eating the giant tufts of hair that rolled off Ken's head and down to the floor, cleanup was a cinch!
Jude's unspoken wish command was also easy: "Just don't make me bleed." I'm pretty skilled at avoiding drawing blood with the clippers and scissors, so even with a squirmy 15 month old, all went well.
I was starting to feel like some rockstar hair stylist when Gabriel's turn came up. His command was bizarre and obscure: "Make me look like Nemo!" I was unsure if he meant the fish or the child, but when he started hitting his hand against his head and yelling "ow! ow! ow!" at the same time, I figured that he meant the child (this was a move Nemo the child would make. I've never seen Nemo the fish do it). Since Gabriel wouldn't know any better, I cut his hair the way I like it- spikey.
I thought he looked fantastic, particularly since he sat still and let me properly blend it in. Ken said he looked like Edward Cullen.
Then came Joaquin. And he turned those big brown eyes on me, and asked in his sweet little voice: "Can you make me look like Superman?" What could I say? I managed a confident "sure!" and wracked my brains, trying to remember what Superman's hair looked like. All I came up with was black. And some spit curl action.
In the end, I just cut Joaquin's hair as usual, and then slicked it all on a severe side part, hoping that the combination of comb lines and wetness would give it a "good guy in Gotham" feel. Only I think Gotham was Batman, not Superman. And then I was trying to remember where Superman came from. Maybe Metropolis?
Anyway, I'll have much more sympathy for my hairdresser the next time I go in and demand she make me look like Angelina Jolie.
5 comments:
will you come to my house? I'd like my hair to look like P!nk's and Derick and Joseph would like to look like rock stars. thank you!
Sarah,
All my forays into cutting women's hair have ended up with mixed results, so I'm betting you don't want me monkeying around with yours.
As for the boys, I'm telling you: the $25 Wahl clipper set from Walmart was the single greatest investment we've ever made. And if you start cutting your sons' hair early, by the time they're old enough to care what it looks like, you'll be a pro!
I tried to cut Dad's ear off one time when I was trimming his beard.Something about "make me look like Van Gogh"??
lol you can cut my hair I still don't care. i promise. and I will look. They don't sit still at all.. so can't seem to figure it out at all but I will try one day. :)
Superman is actually from Krypton. Clark Kent grew up in Smallville, and moved to Metropolis. Both of latter are in Kansas. Yes, we are a Superman household. We like Smallville (tv show), but they are going SO off of the original that it is beginning to upset John and I.
And, John loves our clippers, too. I, however, do NOT cut hair! Not even a straight trim on Devri's bangs when she was younger or a summer "shave it all off" for Juan when he was little. Nope, not my thing!
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