Minivans just screamed "mom".
Then someone pointed out that yes, minivans screamed "mom", but so did the children following me around everywhere.
So I embraced the horror of the minivan and got on with my life.
Then the minivan died at the very top of Avon Mountain on the hottest day of summer almost two years ago, and so we just extra embraced the extra horror and got a full sized van to replace it.
It takes a woman secure in her identity to drive around in one of those babies, I'll tell you.
Also, a shocking lack of fear helps too.
And yes, it's every bit as crazy inside the van as you would imagine, as this video shot while Ken and Lotus were taking their sweet time in the Stop and Shop getting provisions for Easter dinner, leaving me locked in the mobile prison for the criminally insane demonstrates:
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore, so I suggested we switch from moving pictures to stills. I figured I could stand four loud cries of "CHEESE!" better than whatever was going on in the video.
Everyone sat down, I focused the camera, and got this:
Yes. This is what Ken and I have purposely flooded the gene pool with. The collective IQ of the human race will forever be raised by a good 10, 20 points.
I tried again. "Come on guys, what was that last picture? How do you go from yelling and screaming to comatose in 4 seconds? Let's try again."
Yeah. That's much better.
Once more. "Look happy, boys. Please? Can you try your hardest to appear that you're actually enjoying your childhood?"
I guess I asked for that last one.
Finally, after a "I'll run in, there's only a few things on the list" famous last words from Ken, 45 minutes sitting in the back alley of the grocery store because it's the only place that easily accommodates the sexy beast of a van, we're all feeling like this, nicely summed up by John-Luke: