Friday, March 15, 2013
Seven. (cranky) Quick. Takes.
(be sure to see Jen for more takes)
Someone please come take John-Luke from me. For the next two years. Because he's only two now, and oh my God if he's this bad now I'm not going to be able to survive when he's three and yes, I know I've done this four times already and you'd think I was a newb but seriously guys, he's demonic.
The big three were playing outside today in the snow. The little three (Jude, John-Luke and Veronica- ha no oxford comma there, whatcha gonna do about it?) were inside with me. Our house has no less than five (FIVE!!!) points of exit, and I'd locked four of them to make sure JL didn't escape. The front door was unlocked but shut.
I ran downstairs for 15 seconds to grab something, and in that amount of time, the doorbell rang, Jude opened it, and before I could run (actually, literally run) upstairs, I heard a foreign adult male's voice saying, "Who am I? Who are you?"
A foreign adult male. In my house.
I rounded the corner just about to launch into an unexpected "I'm suddenly a ninja and I will do a roundhouse kick to your face, stranger, if you need one", and what do I see?
My neighbor, holding John-Luke. Who is covered in...snow?
Why was he covered in snow? Oh come on. You already know the answer to this. He had run out the front door, down the street, in the dusky snow, and was discovered by my neighbor.
Running down the street. In the snow.
So when I thanked my neighbor for bringing JL home, ushered the guy out of the house, locked the door, and began preparing for the inevitable visit from Child Protective Services, it dawned on me.
I am not cut out to be a mother.
Then I called Ken, who is in the middle of a hellish two weeks at work, and decided that it was a supremely appropriate time to tell him that I was no longer going to be filling the role of wife and mother, since I clearly suck at it, and he was just going to have to figure out a suitable replacement for me by the time he got home.
Then I threw all the kids in bed at 7:30, angrily went to read blogs, and saw that Jessica had posted this gem, which lifted my spirits juuuuust enough that I'll give Ken two weeks to find Mommy 2.0